Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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