then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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