I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
