it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
