um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
