There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
