booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
