matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
