I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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