you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
