Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
