Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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