He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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