i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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