Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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