Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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