She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
