Tell her she can't have a vagina
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
