who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
