She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
