omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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