What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
