remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
