you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
