Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
