We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
