...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
