with your own penis?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
