I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
