another moral hangover. fuck.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
