so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
