my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
