So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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