I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I currently don't understand fingers.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
