nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
