no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
