on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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