I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
