just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
