Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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