I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
