You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
