I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will be naked everywhere
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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