I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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