Im at strip club and am horny
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
