I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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