....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
