new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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