That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
