I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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