You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
