Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
