At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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