my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
