I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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