What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
