So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
