The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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