Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
