Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
